amigone2515 | Cross-posted to Ask_Me

Friday is my mother's birthday. As per usual, we are going to a restaurant to celebrate. I have to bring a cake.

Anyway, this year my wife is actually not busy, and can attend. She is welcome, but her service dog isn't, according to them. I had a big argument with my sister about how it would embarass mom to be seen with a service dog in the group, and about how the restaurant will be crowded so he might get hurt, or even how something might happen so he might even hurt someone! (This insults me greatly). They think it will bring a bunch of unwanted attention, but they don't seem to see that a wheelchair (which is my wife's other option) will bring just as much, maybe even more attention. Besides, if she has the dog, she can get into places that are not wheelchair accessable.

Usually the wife and I are very compliant with their wishes. She CAN manage without him if I help her, but it doesn't work as well. She uses botox injections to relax her muscles in her legs so she can walk, and the botox is wearing off. We do not ask to bring him to their homes as they have their own pets and we don't want to start an issue there. But this meal will be in a restaurant, which is a place he is allowed to go without question.

How on earth do I handle this? My wife (rightfully so) now doesn't want to go. She feels judged and hurt that they would even think her dog would harm anyone, and I would imagine she feels that they think she is a liar about what her dog does. My dad is insisting that he change the restaurant to something less busy, but truthfully, everything is busy on Fridays. There will be tension if my wife goes. If she doesn't go, they get their way and will continue to insist that he is not welcome. If she doesn't go, I dont' want to go because I want to prove that she is family too, and quite frankly, I'm insulted by the whole ordeal.

Does anyone have any ideas how we can handle this situation?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I say take the dog. He's specially trained. He's not going to hurt anyone. He'll be able to get Josie into parts of the restaurant that she wouldn't be able to get into if she was in a wheelchair.

Your family needs to grow up and fucking realize that Josie is a part of the family, come hell or high water, and that includes her service dog.

Though, honestly, I'd be pissed off and offended, too, for both of you.

But I'd take this as an opportunity to stick it to them and show them that they're WRONG.

Edited 2009-06-17 06:43 (UTC)

But the problem is, that is we go and take the dog, there will be tension, and likely drama, because I will have wrecked her mom's birthday. :( I can't win.

You're definitely right that it's a no-win situation.

If you go in a wheelchair, seating yall could be tricky.
If you take the dog, there will be tension and drama.
If you don't go, they get to get away with being jerks.

I'm all for the "loss" of sticking up for yourself.

Now... this is where my own experience with my family comes into play. Yeah, there'd be drama and tension in the beginning, but the longer the dinner lasted and the less they heard/saw from the service dog, the more they'd just forget he was there. I don't know if Chandra's family is like that though. Would he be a constant topic of conversation? Would they made snide remarks and comments all through dinner? Or would the drama boil over after 20-30 minutes and everyone was engrossed in other conversations?

It's really easy for me to sit here from the outside and say "go!" Only the two of you know what's best :)

but there will be tension no matter what.

And while this will be an Issue, apparently, that doesn't make it drama. Not meeting this head-on and directly is more drama-inducing IMO.

If he was a guide dog, would this even be a question? He's trained, he's not going to be noticable or hurt anyone! If he's like the other dogs I see, he'll curl up under the table and go to sleep while you're all busy anyway!

I think you should both stand your ground and go. It's not just about this single dinner - it's about every get together thereafter, too. They just have to get used to it! There might be tension to begin with, but if they make an issue or drama out of it, that's THEIR problem. You're not ruining anything.

*hugs*

I agree with this 100%. I see the only options as (1) Take the dog, or (2) Both of y'all snub the mom. I'd prefer to just take the dog. Say the wheelchair is out of commission and it's your only option if you don't want a conflict, but honestly, she's got to deal with it.

I agree, take the dog. Since it is a public place, they can't make a big deal about the dog, as it is a service dog, and thus allowed. If your mom cannot deal with the fact your mate needs a service dog to get around and is embarassed about it, I think they need to grow the fuck up. I agree that they have to deal with it. They need to learn to respect Josie.

This. Especially the "respect Josie" part.

They think they can make a big deal, and they have.

I thought I'd wake up this morning and be less angry, but it turns out I'm not.

Yes, yes it would.

Apparently, even if she were blind and used a guide dog, the request to leave the dog behind would be made.

Hello, discrimination much?

I don't even have a user icon to express my emotions here right now.

OMG. *hugs* some people are so, so ignorant and stupid.

I can totally understand the urge to just boycott and not go, but then again, I also think there's possibly a point to be made here. It would suck to bend once and then be expected to do so every single time afterwards.

Juniper and I are both on the side of both of you going and taking the dog. Will say more elsewhere.

They can take their ableist privilege and shove it up their respective asses. No dog? No Josie. No Josie? No Chandra.

(If only it were that easy. They are being privileged asses about it, though. Jenna smash!)

Cross-posted to Ask_Me_Anything

Stupid, judgemental family is stupid and judgemental.

Re: Stupid, judgemental family is stupid and judgemental.

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Re: Stupid, judgemental family is stupid and judgemental.

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