(no subject)

We talked on the phone for nearly four hours. He explained himself. I explained myself. And so, we decided to try it.

*Sigh* So it very well could work out for us. I sincerely hope so.

On a bad note, it's 2:08 am, I'm not the least bit tired, and I remembered because of my handy Palmpilot that I have to be up at 7 instead of 9 to be at the hospital at 9 instead of 11. Sucky.

Tomorrow will be interesting. Perhaps I will attempt a nap before dinner with stef and meg. or... study? hum.
Dave is sending a song. Then I'm off to bed, I think.

(no subject)

I am on a quest for self perfection, to be beautiful, to have a mind that makes sense, and can make others think. I want to be confidant, I want to be free from what others think about me. I want to be able to take criticism with a grain of salt, and I want to most of all be comfortable with myself. I think the last part is the most important. If I am not comfortable with who I am, how I think, my sexuality, or just the way I was made, how can I ever expect anyone else to be? It's very unfair to.

I'm fragile, but at the same time I'm strong. I'm a very passive person, though I don't always like what happens. I must work on being assertive. I've been through hell and back already, and I'm all of 18 years old. How much longer until it happens again? Or will I be spared next time?

Something came to me. A friend of mine said to me tonight, "Don't let anyone get you down" and I said "Especially myself, right?" I think that, right there is the basis, the foundation of my problems. I get myself down. Because I am not perfect. This came to me while driving home. It's hard to drive through tears, but I made it okay. I think when I realized what I had said there, is the foundation of my problems, I also realized that this is the beginning of the end. The beginning of the end of my self esteem problems. If I can somehow convince myself to stop getting myself down, I will crack and break the foundation, and the rest of my problems will crumble to the ground.

I will have to change the way I think. I will have to stop putting others before myself all of the time. I will stop hating myself, my body, my sexuality, who I am as a person, and I will not blame myself for everything that goes wrong. I will be responsible, but I will let myself have a little fun as well.

I don't know where to begin. There's so much that needs to change for my happiness, and I will work on it. I'm not expecting to be super confidant, even ever, but it's a start right?

Yeah... so, that's me right now. And as much as I want to "friends only" this entry, I'm not going to. I'm not going to hide myself anymore. I'm going to be me, and if people don't like it, that's too bad for them, I think. I think deep down I'm a good person. I know I am. I'm looking for her. I've cracked the foundation now, and there's only room for improvement.

(no subject)

My journal says I'm 55% masculine.

What does your LJ writing style say about your gender?

LJ Gender Tool by hutta

Hum...